Ni Hao Ma?

I constantly think about posting, almost daily and when I sit down to write, my mind goes blank. Much like tonight. I have and stopped so many times, I almost forget why I do this. Time to get back on track. I am here to find my strengths with FMS and live my life to the fullest.

For example, living in Taiwan, for over two months now. I can honestly say I love it here. I love it more now that it's not so stinkin' hot (35 C with 100% humidity is not really my cup of tea). If it is one thing that flares my FMS, it is heat and this is the most intense heat I have ever experienced. Yet, I learned to embrace the sweat and not take Aleve because it's a blood thinner and you will wake up with the most extreme bruises all over your body. So I axed Aleve and currently do not take anything for pain. Honestly, I have felt great. I am actually getting a little teary eyed on how well I am doing. Yes, I have had my fair share of headaches and nights where I felt I couldn't walk, but I just keep moving on.

I ride my bike to and from to work, walk distances and stand for hours everyday. Granted, I live less than 2 miles from work, I still love the ride. In fact, bike riding is my favorite mode of transportation in this city. It beats the hell out of walking and is free unlike the bus or MRT (metro). Since living here, we have gone a few good rides. My most memorial in a city called PingLin, North of Taipei and famous for it's tea fields. Let's just say, I do not recommend doing the 24km bike ride in August with 100% humidity. I bitched and moaned the whole time, and it took days afterwards to feel my legs again but luckily I can laugh about it now. We have also rode miles along the river, to the movie theater (not sure on the distance, but again it was hot and it felt farther than it probably was), the Presidential Palace, CKS Memorial and pretty much where ever we can. At one point, Aaris looked at me and said, "I don't think you really have Fibromyalgia." Amazed with all I can do, and don't complain little to none, I just really don't think about it taking over my life.

Now with all this bike riding and walking, you would think I would be losing weight, yet there is SO MUCH good food here, we eat a lot. I can say that I am working on my "Taiwan calves" and those are coming along slowly and surely, which has made walking and biking a lot easier. I can't say that I have gained any weight but I am not sure I am losing much either. So all in all I am happy. :)

This so far has been a pretty awesome experience and it gets better daily. Yesterday, Sunday was one of my favorite days too, (well going to the zoo was pretty spectacular). We woke up early and took the MRT to City Hall and the Sun Yat-Sen Memorial. It was a gorgeous day, overcast and cool. We walked around the memorial for a little bit, which was hosting a pretty cool art gallery, and had fun statues of Sun Yat-Sen. Then we walked to City Hall which was getting ready for the Floral Expo, happening soon, by hosting a concert in front of the building. It was just starting to rain and the band was doing a sound check. The coolest part was that fans were already camped out at the stage waiting for the show. I just kept thinking how amazing that would be if that were my favorite band. I would have been camped out there too, if it were the Foo Fighters. Next, we made our way to Taipei 101 (the second tallest building in the world). We were going to ride to the top but decided to save it for a more clear day.

At 3pm we met up with a friend of Aaris' at a tea house for a "tea party". Honestly, at first I thought it was going to be a little cheesy, but it turned out to be really fun and I met so many cool people. Aaris and I decided we needed business cards, but ours would be pretty lame. :) After that we met one of my friends and her husband. They are from NZ and are really nice. We had dinner with them and chatted for a couple hours. I actually think I could have stayed at the tea house longer if we didn't have dinner plans, because the people were fun and I learned so much about black tea.

Ok, back to the beginning and some tips for people with FMS. STOP ALL MEDS. DRINK BLACK TEA. It is full of anti-oxcidents and cleans your system. I kid you not, I walked in the tea house with pretty bad leg pains from walking and left without a pain. Now, I didn't know this was going to happen, but I felt amazing. I walked the rest of the night without pain. BLACK TEA=CURE ALL? I am not sure, but since I am not taking anything for pain, I am going to try this out. CAUTION: Black tea contains a lot of caffeine, which I am not use to (since I only drink water), so drink in moderation.

As always, thanks for reading (those who do) and helping me with finding my strengths.

I now live in Taiwan :)

Stay tuned...

I am a night rider

I live in an amazing city. I know someday I am going to end up back here. One of the best part is that the streets are not too busy to ride your bike where ever, when ever. A few years ago I got really into riding my beach cruiser. It's the most amazing feeling to have the wind blow your hair, plus it doesn't hurt that I have the cutest bikes. ;) Bike riding is also more when you have a riding partner, that's why I purposely have two bikes.

So last night a friend of mine organized a night bike ride. The goal was to start easy and ride 4 miles. I was a little nervous about that because as much as I love to ride bikes, I didn't know if I could keep up. We met up at the train station about 1/2 mile from my house. I only knew the person who organized that ride, but I was willing to take a chance, meet new people, and ride my bike. I knew that this was going to be the last good ride before going to Taiwan. Well 4 miles ended up being 11 and it was soo much fun! I cannot even describe where we rode because it was up and down the streets, through the nature reserve, a cemetery, and main roads. The ride was from 7 to 9:30 pm.

Today, the pain has not been so much fun but it's not FMS pain, it's "you just sat on a bike seat for over two hours and wow, my inner thighs hurts when I walk" kind of pain. Although I would probably be back on my bike right now if I was invited. It's just a free feeling. Of everything I own, my bikes have been the hardest thing to leave back home. My first purchase in Taiwan will be a new bike so I can have that same free feeling as long as I don't melt from the heat.

I am not sure if anyone reads this or finds it inspirational, but when I read back on the things that I do and accomplish while living with FMS I know I am finding my strengths.

Adventure Awaits!

So basically I am not the world's best blogger, I would say that I am a much better talker. I am a open book when it comes to talking. Some say that I give out too much information and I am really working hard on just exposing "need to know" information.

I should title this post Cha-Cha-Changes because that seems to be the theme of the summer. All of these changes are for the best and have had some positive results. I am actually going to start from today and take you back to May since that is where I left off. Alright, so first off I am moving to Taiwan in August! Exciting, huh? This is what this is "adventure" I am talking about. I am going to be teaching English to Taiwanese children and adults. I couldn't be more ecstatic. I have been talking about this for some time and finally started taking action. My boyfriend and I signed up for a 100-hour course that allows you to be certified to teach English by the end. It was a lot of hard work. I mean there were things in this course that I was never taught in school, and I speak English! I had an interview the other day over Skype and was offered the position to teach younger students. I also heard back from one of the most prestige schools in the country. :) I am really excited about this and whether I love it over there or not, I am going to learn so much about myself from this experience.

The next major event that has come and past was that my dad remarried after being single for 24 years. Not that I should care, I know I am an adult, and I am really happy for him, but for the first time I have to share him. My mind races when I think about that because I never really had the closest relationship with him. I guess it is a bit of jealousy. My mom and dad divorced when I was 6 months old. I have never lived with my dad, and his wife has two younger kids and he moved in with her family. Really, there is no need to be jealous I had an amazing childhood with my mom, pops, and siblings who love one another. I had everything I ever wanted and more. I really hope they have a world of happiness together because it was nice to see my dad happy.

I mentioned that my boyfriend was enrolled in the certification class as well, well he is actually already there. He took an excursion to China and made his way to Taiwan by foot, public transportation, and ferry (of course). He left America on June 9th and I am not going to lie, I miss him dearly but admire him so much. I am actually a little jealous that he already taught two English classes. He and I were able to Skype this morning (before 7 am) which is the first time I have heard his voice since he left. Since he is there before me, he is doing everything possible to make my transition over there easy, (rrrriiiiiggghhhttt, A?). :) He is pretty fantastic.

Speaking about how fantastic he is, I was actually holding back my deepest secret from him. Not that I wanted to, but I did not know how he was going to react. Since I am not willing to share that with the world, I will just say that it was life changing. FMS is a challenge at times just by itself, but then add this on top and well, I am a better person. So we went out of the county to visit a friend one night in May and I was trying to muster up my courage on the ride over there but ended up being super quiet. He could tell that something was wrong, well you read the beginning of this post...I am an open book and a talker. Because I wasn't talking I had created some tension. It wasn't until 2 am when we were alone and snuggling on the couch that the everything came pouring out. The best thing that could have happened did and I was embraced by a big hug. That was one of the best moments in our relationship so far, for me anyways.

So what led up to the courage to tell him? Well lets face it, my mom is not too pleased that I am going to Taiwan. In fact she will make rude comments about the whole thing and thinks I am throwing my life away. Yet, I have been extremely responsible during this whole transition and really making it as easy for everyone as possible. Well back in May she told me that I am not assertive, she would love for me to get mad for once, and that I have only convinced myself that I am happy. WHOA! Shocker. Well lets just say afterwards I was pretty f&^*ing livid. I just wanted to talk to her to assure her that she could trust me that I am going to be alright in Taiwan. Well she said she could not trust me because I did not trust myself to explain/tell (the above paragraph). Well we can put a big check mark next to that one..but is there trust yet? So since I am the most assertive person I know, hearing that I wasn't was quite the shock. Then I realized the only person I am not assertive with is her. So you better believe I have been firing back my wit and assertiveness, which does not fair well with her in return. She usually gives me the stink eye and will ignore me for the rest of the day/night. I try really hard not to let it bother me, but she is my mom I do care what she thinks and I love her.

I am doing this trip for me and no one else. I think this is a fantastic opportunity to do something that I love, being around kids. Yes, I am going to miss home, I am going to miss my family and friends, but this is not a permenant move, it's the "I'm not married, I don't have kids, I am still pretty young, and this is the perfect opportunity" move. So I am packing up and shipping out. I am curious to see how my FMS does is a different climate, but that's just another part of finding my strengths.

You Learn Something New Every Day!

First off, today is National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day! YAY! Many people had no idea that this day even existed. For example, I walked into a co-workers office and told her about it, and explained that “today is my day” she said she had no idea. Now normally I would have not been so vocal about such day, but I am really trying to be proactive about this. I would never tell people that I had FMS because I didn’t want people to think I am not capable of doing something, but really what I need to do is tell everyone I know that I have FMS to let them see that I can do it too! (I hope that all made sense, since it felt like I was rambling).

In honor of awareness day, I felt I needed to update. I learned two very cool things recently, 1) My pink slip at work was taken back and thrown away, meaning I still have a job---BUT I am still going on my intended adventure, BUT having a job means I will not be unemployed while I get ready! YAY! 2) As I posted something on facebook this morning, in fact I wrote “Today is National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. I am making you all aware. J So if you know someone with FMS (cou—me—gh) give them a hug, it’s good for the soul.” I found out that a cousin on my Pops’ side has FMS. How cool is that? Well, the pain is not cool but knowing someone else who is a strong, amazing woman, who has it too, is pretty awesome! I am excited to hear experiences. She also mentioned that she reads my blog--(whoa, I didn’t think anyone did). So hi L.B. J

Second, this morning as I was getting ready for work and after I posted on my facebook, I realized that 12 years ago, on May 14th (just short of FMS day) is when my FMS journey began. How I remember dates is beyond me? Next year when I am 26 I will have been living with FMS for half my life. That is incredible; I am going to be 26 years-old next year. Where does time go? J Although, the most incredible thing about all of this is that I do LIVE, and a pretty great life. I can’t take all the credit though. I have learned to surround myself with positive, loving people, such as family, friends, and a great partner in crime (but not so much emphasis on “in crime”—it mainly consists of Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune—haha, you know I love you! YAY!).

So, I will cut this short because I feel like I just rambled on and on, (I just really wanted to see if I could use “yay” in every paragraph – mission accomplished). On this beautiful Fibromyalgia Awareness Day, I will continue finding my strengths. YAY! ;)

Music heals the soul

That is not a new revelation, yet I think this is why I love music so much. It sets the mood like when you are at a party and all they are playing is gangster rap and you want nothing more than to escape, or it captures a moment like when Vampire Weekend's "Oxford Comma", a song you despise is playing in the background when he finally has the courage to tell you, "I Love You," and now that song makes you smile. Music has been my therapy to get me through a lot of life obstacles, whether it was *NSYNC in middle school to the Foo Fighters in my later teens and adult life, I can always count on a song, melody or band to get me through any phase.

I would say that I have a wide range of music taste. When I want to dance, I put on my favorite pop music (currently Lady Gaga), or when I am angry I scream it out with The Used, but usually after the song(s) I feel better.

Every day when I get to work, the first thing I do is turn on music and the genre that I put on pretty much sets the mood for the day. So why am I writing about music when then is a blog about FMS? As the title suggests, music heals the soul and I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. In the past month I have had some good news and some bad(but good) news with my job. Since everyone loves good news, I was awarded the highest award you can receive at my job! It felt great since I have been having a not-so-pleasant experience at work lately. I was hoping this was the change for the better. Two weeks later I was told I was getting a pink slip because funding for my position is ending on June 30th. The first thing(s) that came to mind
was, I will no longer have medical benefits. Yes, not having a salary would not be good, but take away my benefits?!?! How would I go to the doctors if I needed to? This was a big bummer. So I went back into my office, put music on shuffle, and out of the blue, I told myself "If 'Shake It Out' by Manchester Orchestra comes on, I know everything will be fine," I pushed play and that exact song came on. I was so excited that I had a huge smile on my face and tears in my eyes. A co-worker came in and asked what I was smiling about--I told her, "everything is going to be okay," and it will be because I have some plans. :) Maybe I shouldn't base my life decisions on a song, but why not?

So this new adventure I am about to take on, let me tell you....I am scared to death and so excited at the same time. I have no idea what is going to happen, but I am preparing myself like none other. I have a feeling that some are not taking my new adventure serious but I am doing this no matter what, even if I have to go at it alone. I am young, and the pink slip was just the push I needed. Did I mention that I am excited?!?! :)

Now back to the music, the other day my ipod was shuffle and the Editors "Bullets" came on. I use to call that song my theme song, not because the lyrics are profound, but because I would scream it on the top of my lungs and sing and dance along. I really wanted to this time too--but I was in my office. So it made me think, with this new adventure, how is the weather, environment, and all the stress going to affect my fibro? I guess this is just another journey to help me find my strengths.

(Now go listen to the Foo Fighters) :) (The photo is Them Crooked Vultures last week at Club Nokia in LA--YAY Dave Grohl)

Pain, Pain, Go Away, Come Again...NEVER! :)

I feel that I am pretty good at staying positive when it comes to living with Fibromyalgia. I cannot explain it, but the last 13 days or so, I have had a constant headache. Not just one that lingers around saying “Hey, remember me? I’m still here,” but full on, don’t open your eyes because the sunshine hurts. It has been a dull pain across the forehead along with sharp bursts of pain in the temples, base of the skull, and sometimes on the top of the head. Needless to say, it has not been fun. This is the first time, in a long time that I felt like I let my headaches win. Ever since I have been home from Spain, it has been non-stop at work. I knew I was coming home to very stressful projects at work, and I know that it’s a reason for part of the pain (so the lesson here, is to always be on vacation?! I wish). Well the two projects were completed and shipped off this past Friday, so I thought alright easy sailing from here, right? Not quite. I even had a really relaxing weekend, and I thought for sure this was going to go away. Yet, on Sunday I did my typical cleaning and errands and was planning on having dinner with one of my favorite families. Before dinner was even started, I went home. I left feeling so defeated and upset that I let this headache control my actions. I just knew that Monday was going to be so much better.
Before the 5:40 am alarm went off, I was awake and in massive pain. I told myself to suck it up and get ready for work. I did just that. Although once at work, I again had that nauseating feeling and felt I was going to pass out at any moment. Since my boss called in sick, there was no reason for me to be there. I was home by 10 am. On one of the most beautiful days, the last thing I wanted was for my headache to keep me inside. I grabbed a pillow and blanket and napped outside. The cool breeze and the cloud covered sun felt so good. I was using nature’s medicine to make me feel better. As wonderful as that felt, my head still hurt.
Enough about how much my head hurts, the thing that irked me the most is having my loved ones see me in pain. For some it was the first time they had seen me in a zombie state, as for others, this was nothing new. I think the majority of people who know me, would describe me as out-going and talkative, yet when my head hurts, I become really quiet and my eyes glaze over. (I don’t like to tell people when I am hurting, yet my mom always said she knew when she looked into my eyes). That’s really tough for me. I am private about Fibro. and even having a blog/writing about my situation is a struggle. So I guess by sharing my not-so-positive moments is also allowing me with finding my strengths.